Back to school season is here and whether your child is in elementary, middle, or high school, some of the most important relationships they are going to have are with their classmates. As a mom of two daughters, one of which is still in school, I worry about people taking advantage of their kindness. I want them to have friendships built on trust, support, inclusion, respect, and fun. Now I didn't have many close friends growing up; I had to switch schools a lot and because of childhood trauma I didn't trust a lot of people. I still tend to keep people at arms length, but I don't want that for my daughters. I don't want them to be afraid to not be liked in order to "keep the peace" or to feel like they have to make themselves small to fit in. I want them to have close friends who they can go to and confide in, and I know most of you want that for your loves ones too. Here are some red flags you can discuss with your kids that can help with that, and honestly, this works really well for adults too.
Red flag #1: They make fun of you then say "It was just a joke" or "don't be so sensitive," or something of that nature. Humiliation as a joke is still humiliation.
Red flag #2: They feel nervous/ anxious around these "friends." This information is not being "dramatic." Their body is trying to tell them something.
Red flag #3: They only feel included when they stay quiet or agree with what they say. If your child feels like they have to be "seen and not heard" or "obey" when around these "friends," to keep the peace, it's not peace.
Red flag #4: They compete with you more than they cheer you on. If friendship feels like you're keeping score with each other, it's not a friendship.
Red flag #5: Your energy feels drained after hanging out with them. Paying attention to how you feel after being around certain people can tell you a lot, even if you can't quite out the reason.
Red flag #6: They leave you out of group activities then say "We forgot to include you." Especially if it's repeatedly, forgetting to include someone is still exclusion.
Red flag #7: They don't applaud your achievements. If you being successful and having your time to shine is makes them vanish, let them.
Friendships should not feel like walking on egg shells. You should not feel negatively drained after being with your friends. If the friendship makes you feel like you have to hide your victories, make yourself "smaller," or kills your joy, it is not worth having in your life. Discuss this with your child and honestly, this may help you open your adult eyes to some fake friendships you may have. In that case, let this become a teachable moment on how to keep your peace.
Cheers to a wonderful school year and true friendships. I wish you and your kiddos the best. <3
Information courtesy of: Life Coach Preet - Preetyot Kaur
@lifecoachpreet on Instagram